Bright Burning Stars by A. K. Small

Author:A. K. Small
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Algonquin Books
Published: 2019-05-01T23:00:00+00:00

eighteen

Kate

I hid in the stairwell, leaning against the wall, the tendonitis in my right ankle abruptly flaring and a wave of hollowness as giant as the San Andreas Fault burrowing inside me. Please, not now, I thought. I massaged the painful area in my foot with my thumb, then slipped on thick leg warmers, my overalls, and a sweater. I hadn’t told M about the pregnancy because I wanted everything to go away, not because I didn’t love her.

When Isabelle and Short-Claire cornered me, I was so out of sorts that I wished I’d bumped into The Witch instead.

“Rumors are flying,” Short-Claire said.

Blocking my path, she added, “Someone reported that they saw you a few weeks ago coming back from the beekeeper.”

I knelt, pretending to fix a ribbon on my pointe shoe.

“Anyway,” Isabelle continued, “winter demonstrations usually confirm Numbers One and Two. We think it would be highly unfair for you to win if you made that kind of humongous error.”

“A visit to the beekeeper is breaking The Cardinal Rules to the hundredth power,” Short-Claire said.

As I kept on playing with my ribbons, she added, “Also, a foreigner has never won the demonstrations. Not once in the history of the Paris Opera. So, don’t hold your breath.”

I slowly stood back up and tried to sneak past them, but the girls kept on barricading me until Jean-Paul came through the doors, making them jog up the stairs.

“Wait,” I called after him.

He slowed.

An acute burn shot up my ankle again. Like Alice in Wonderland, I felt like I’d fallen headfirst into the rabbit hole. My usual pre-performance nerves of steel were more like nerves of cooked spaghetti. Something in my brain seemed off. Like I’d forgotten to turn on my self-confidence switch. Or, like the switch had died. Not to mention the emptiness, expanding in my chest. What was going on? I wasn’t sure how to ask Jean-Paul for drugs that would reduce the unbearable pains in my body, yet sharpen my brain.

“Is your bag still full of miracles?” I said.

“I was waiting to see how long it would take you.” Jean-Paul stopped at a door marked Private one floor below the dressing rooms, and yanked it open. “After you, ma dragée,” he said. “I don’t talk business out in the open.”

The room was a wide storage space for ladders, ropes, and machines. One lightbulb dangled from the ceiling. Drafts from open floorboards swirled at our feet.

“What do you have in mind?” Jean-Paul said, clicking the door shut. “A little vodka to loosen you up?” He crossed his arms and looked down at me. “Pissed off at your best friend for stealing Prince Charming?”

“I need to be able to perform.” I paused. “Without the jitters.”

Jean-Paul unzipped his backpack and slid out a bag full of white pills. “You got the jitters?”

I had the urge to hit him. “I’m human,” I said.

“You could try one or two of these.” He reached for a pill, popped it into his mouth. “They’re magic. You’ll dance even better than usual.

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